Dear LeBron James,

You’re not only dominating on the both ends of the hardwood but you’re also the current undisputed KING of NBA style. But tonight, your pre-game outfit was a bit of a cause for concern for me. I’m worried your fashion MVP title could be in jeopardy.

Now, let me be clear here, I have no problems with the idea of your outfit, BronBron. A good white shirt and well-fitting jeans MUST be in every man’s wardrobe, without a doubt. A vest can work, but when you’re 6’8 and pretty much pure muscle (and apparently less than 7% body fat….thanks Altitude pre-game show!), it’s tough to pull off properly. This particular black number is too tight and too short….two outfit descriptions best left only to cheerleaders court side. The sizing and style of the vest makes me think you may have raided the suitcase of former Cavalier Damon Jones. Who can forget that red velvet jacket he wore time and time again.

LeBron, do NOT trade clothes with a friend, no matter how much you love him and his threads, if you’re not his size! You’ll either look like you can’t breathe and destroy the item or you’ll swim in it and lose your chiseled shape (please don’t go near Shaq’s god awful wardrobe for the sake of HD tv’s everywhere!!). The vest also tends to add bulk if it doesn’t fit properly, which you don’t need at all, #23. You’ve had a few issues with vests worn solo over collared shirts, so I think maybe it’s time to retire this ensemble attempt.

My other problem with this outfit is the sleeve to glove ratio. Are those sleeves rolled up or 3/4 length? On a man of your amazing size, Mr. James, it looks awkward. You’re better off going long sleeve, an elbow length sleeve, a short sleeve, or my personal favourite, no sleeves at all. On most men, the 3/4 length looks like the shirt sleeves are too short or too long and leave a large space that cannot be filled by a watch or a bracelet. The gloves just throw the proportions off and has Michael Jackson-esque vibe. The gloves are lovely but they aren’t the King of Pop’s statement making bejeweled white wonder. More importantly, flashing the forearm in the middle of winter is very impractical in frosty Denver! Also, if your jacket is off, why are your gloves still on? Pockets, darling, pockets!

My tips to you, my liege are to make sure you fit the WIDEST part of you (shoulders) and  then tailor down. That way you can make everything fit perfectly to your every, uh, bulge. And keep your sleeves rolled down when wearing gloves, there was only one MJ (okay, technically, there’s the OTHER #23) and you don’t want your skin to change colour, too – from frostbite!

High fives & booty taps,


1 Comment

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One response to “Dear LeBron James,

  1. Booty Taps! ahahha

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